Denial

To: Department of Mental Management (dmm@brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Complex Tasks (dct@brain.chas.person)
Subject: Speed enquiry

To whom it may concern,

As you may be aware, we are currently engaging in the task of driving a motor vehicle. The Department of Visual Awareness has informed the Department of Complex Tasks that the speedometer reading is 80 and the local area speed limit signs say 60. Could you please inform us whether this is legal?

Regards,

Brian Rainer

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To: Department of Complex Tasks (dct@brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Mental Management (dmm@brain.chas.person)
Subject: re: Speed enquiry

Dear Brain,

Our records indicate that the policy most relevant to your situation is the "I'm Not Good At Maths Act 1987".

Sincerest regards,

Damien Nial

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To: Department of Mental Management (dmm@brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Complex Tasks (dct@brain.chas.person)
Subject: re: re: Speed enquiry

Dear Damien,

We are fully aware of the "I'm Not Good At Maths Act 1987". We are also aware of the "Simple Skills Required For Driving Act 1998", which clearly states that "simple maths tasks are to be performed by the relevant department as requested for the purpose of driving a motor vehicle”. Please furnish us with relevant data.

Thanks,

Brian

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To: Department of Complex Tasks (dct@brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Mental Management (dmm@brain.chas.person)
Subject: re: re: re: Speed enquiry

Dear Brian,

Ah, yes, our mistake. We will request the information you require and have it for you shortly.

Damien

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To: Department of Mental Management (dmm@brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Complex Tasks (dct@brain.chas.person)
Subject: re: re: re: re: Speed enquiry

Dear Damien,

Please disregard my previous request. Please supply us now with procedures for dealing with a police officer.

Brian

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To: Department of Mental Management (dmm@Brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Reflex Tasks (drt@Brain.chas.person)
Subject: Tiger

To whom it may concern,

Could your department, with all due haste, please inform us of the procedures to follow when confronted by an enraged Bengal tiger?

Sincerely,

Simon Pinal

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To: Department of Reflex Tasks (drt@Brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Mental Management (dmm@Brain.chas.person)
Subject: re: Tiger

Dear Simon,

After an extensive search, the only relevant information we can supply you is contained in the “It Can’t Happen To Me Act 1977”.

Regards,

Damien Nial

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To: Department of Mental Management (dmm@Brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Reflex Tasks (drt@Brain.chas.person)
Subject: re: re: Tiger

Dear Damien,

That is ridiculous. Prepare to hear from our lawyers.

Simon

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To: Department of Reflex Tasks (drt@Brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Mental Management (dmm@Brain.chas.person)
Subject: re: re: re: Tiger

Simon,

Our lawyers welcome your legal challenge and we believe we have legislation and law on our side. Naturally, the department denies that there is, was or ever will be a Bengal tiger and stands behind our claim that there is no feasible way this government could have made contact which such a thing. Even if it did exist.

Damien

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To: Department of Mental Management (dmm@Brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Reflex Tasks (drt@Brain.chas.person)
Subject: re: re: re: re: Tiger

Damien,

As we both wait impatiently for the pending legal case, could you please marshal your resources and discover the procedure for stemming blood loss due to a gash in the femoral artery? Any and all information would be VERY MUCH appreciated.

Simon

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To: Department of Reflex Tasks (drt@Brain.chas.person)
From: Department of Mental Management (dmm@Brain.chas.person)
Subject: re: re: re: re: Tiger

Please note that Damien Nial is away on annual leave. If you have an urgent enquiry, please assume the department denies all knowledge of it.