2010: The Year of Not Easy

That's what I'm calling 2010 in internal memos. And external communication as well, I'm not one to hide how utterly insane I can be.

It started with moving to France. To be honest, the journey was easy. Exhausting. 24 hours long. But, you know what, I got through it. No hassles at customs, no lost luggage and the usual head cold I get whenever I fly didn't happen.

I also had sent a box of stuff from Sydney, stuff it turns out now that I'm here I could do without. Should have waited.

But then it started to get weird. I started by staying with my grandmother in the south of France. She was ill when I arrived and was the very opposite of welcoming. In fact, despite being totally prepared for this, I wasn't. It was imaginary, my resolve. So I decided to start looking for a flat share in Paris.

Found one at the end of February, but it's a bit too expensive. So, I've got two months or so to find a job and find other accommodation. Not easy. Plus, I now have too much stuff to transport on the train, so going to have to hire a car.

And when I got back from Paris to find the place, I got sick. I intended to go back last Thursday, but the money I sent to a French bank account for paying the rent was delayed. So, next Tuesday was going to be the day. Except I can't transfer the rent to the guy I'm sharing with because I need a code. Which has been sent to Australia. So Tuesday isn't looking likely. I went and got my own bank account, but the codes and cards and various sundries and whatnots won't arrive until Friday at the earliest. I've signed up to pay the rent from 1 March (it's the 6th today) and it's looking like I won't get back there to live for another week and a bit. So, two weeks down the drain. Two weeks of money I can't afford. Not easy.

And my grandmother has been so much better. Not sure if it's the weather getting better, or maybe now she knows what I'm doing here she's happier. But I don't actually feel like leaving. Not to mention I've made a couple of friends here at a school for learning French I've been going to. It all starts to work out, just as I leave! That's how leaving Sydney felt too. Once I'd made the decision to go to France, life was being truly wonderful to me. I need to take from that the lesson that happiness is possible, even if I seem to find ways to avoid it.

Sometimes you have to go down to get back up. It was like that last time I was unemployed, I hit rock bottom and climbed my way back up. I've slid back down again. I can only hope that each time I do this, I end up higher than I did before. Sometimes you have to pull it all apart and put it back together to make it better. Not easy. But I'm going to make it!