She didn't have a shoulder so she cried into her pillow.

Needies!

Plush toys that compete with each other for human attention. They're for co-dependent people. I am shuddering with uncontrollable giggling. It's not funny, but it is. Hehe, lol, snigger, chuckle, gaffaw.

I just know the poor sod who came up with this was sniggering too. It is such a great idea that is completely unfunny, in a funny kind of way.

Zombie dogs, Human flavoured tofu and now co-dependent pillows. This has been a great week.

Do you suppose when you are out at work, the pillow cries into itself?

Labor leader tells it like it is.

No, not Latham. Beattie, who always tells it like it is. I like that about him, it makes him a good leader in my book. The Howard media-byte style of politics is nauseating.

But I hadn't realised how subtle Beattie can be:

"I believe that central commitment to ordinary Australians remains and Kim epitomises that. I believe he can win the election."

Kim Beazeley epitomises ordinary Australians. Yes, he is Australian and yes, he is ordinary. That's the problem. Who wants to be led by ordinary?

It really is a great picture

As mentioned by Digital Retrograde!

I think I could start a cult using this picture.

The only thing lacking is a beer in the robot's left arm/hand/extremity.








Kamichi was smiling nervously as he hoped he
had not confused the foam and fuel symbols.

I am Chas' Not Post

This isn't really a post. Nor is it a door knob. It is a piece of string designed to remind Chas to go back and see if this site has turned on its Atom or RSS feed so I can read it. Of course, if you want to go visit Lightning Strikes Itself, I ain't going to stop you. I haven't really delved deeply into its mysteries yet, but at first glance it seems to be a bubble of info-goodness wrapped in coolophane.

But anyway, Chas, HEY CHAS! Remember! REMEBER! open your mind. OPEN YOUR MIIIIIIIND!

5pm Friday!

ROTFLMAOTMREACTWWEWTFBBQKTHXBYE

Excellent post about downloading gOtSX -intel.

Cats are making me crazy!!!

This is so unbelievable, it has to be a joke. Is The Times are respected newspaper?

The gist of it is that cats infect us with a parasite that makes men aggressive, scruffy loners and women promiscuous sex kittens. Do you mean to say cats infect us with catitis? CATS ARE CONTROLLING US!!!!

Actually, it turns out the rats are controlling the cats!! RATS ARE CONTROLLING US!!! Douglas Adams was right!

Perhaps what is becoming clear is the "possession"-like nature of diseases. Exorcists were ancient doctors, after all. Ever got the flu and simply wanted to kill everyone? That's the flu talking. Ever find yourself meowing on a fence for females? That's the catitis talking.

We are all DNA strands struggling to make sense of it all.

Forgive Them!

They know not what they do!

These mad scientists are creating a Philip K Dickbot! Philly K was always worried that he had been replaced by an android and went to great lengths to explore the possibility. By all that is sacred, what madness is this! The Dickbot will be programmed to act exactly as the speed-addicted-cia-harassed-cult-leader-sci-fi-genius. The android will be paranoid that it is an android! It's frankly Phildickian in it's phildickianess!

Mark my words, this will all end in saline excretions via a small tube connected next to the Dickbot's eye-camera.

Oh, and today, Michael Jackson was found not guilty. But in the Court of Chas, to the charges of Offending Life Itself, I find him GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES, except for owning pornography which is not a crime in the Law of Chas, except if it is child porn, in which case HANG, MICHAEL JACKSON SPAWN OF DEVIL, HANG! His punishment will be to live as Michael Jackson for the REST OF HIS LIFE! Too harsh? Perhaps, but the Court of Chas is cruel in it's Justice. For, as Daredevil teaches us, JUSTICE IS BLIND! As in, blind drunk!

Now, pass the Jesus Juice, I feel a revelation coming on!

Stolen From Simon World

Not sure who the author was, but tear-jerkingly true:

The Aussie Bar-B-Q "Tong Master"

Macca was at the barbecue and Jonesy was at the barbecue and I was at the barbecue; three men standing around a barbecue, sipping beer, staring at sausages, rolling them backwards and forwards, never leaving them alone.

We didn't know why we were at the barbecue; we were just drawn there like moths to a flame. The barbecue was a powerful gravitational force, a man-magnet.

Jonesy said the thin ones could use a turn, I said yeah I reckon the thin ones could use a turn, Macca said yeah they really need a turn - it was a unanimous turning decision.

Macca was the "Tong-Master", a true artist, he gave a couple of practice snaps of his long silver tongs, "SNAP SNAP", before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of his wrist, rolling them onto their little backs.

A lesser tong-man would've flicked too hard; the sausages would've gone full circle, back to where they started.

Nice, I said. The others went yeah.

Kevin was passing us, he heard the siren-song - sizzle of the snags, the barbecue was calling, beckoning, "Kevinnnnn ...Kevinnnnnn......come".

He stuck his head in and said any room? We said yeah and began the barbecue shuffle; Macca shuffled to the left, Jonesy shuffled to the left, I shuffled to the left, Kevin slipped in beside me, we sipped our beer.

Now there were four of us staring at sausages, and Macca gave me the nod, my cue. I was second-in-command, and I had to take the raw sausages out of the plastic bag and lay them on the barbecue; not too close together, not too far apart, curl them into each other's bodies like lovers - fat ones, thin ones, herbed and continental. The chipolatas were tiny; they could easily slip down between the grill, falling into the molten coals & heat-bead netherworld below.

Carefully I laid them sideways ACROSS the grill, clever thinking. Macca snapped his tongs with approval, there was no greater barbecue honour.

P.J. came along, He said "looking good, looking good maaaaaaaaate" - the irresistible lure of the barbecue had pulled him in too. We said yeah and did the shuffle, left, left, left, left, he slipped in beside Kevin, we sipped our beer.

Five men, lots of sausages. Jonesy was the Fork-pronger; he had the fork that pronged the tough hides of the Bavarian bratwursts and he showed lots of promise. Stabbing away eagerly, leaving perfect little vampire holes up and down the casing.

P.J. was shaking his head; he said "I reckon they cook better if you don't poke them". There was a long silence, you could have heard a chipolata drop; this new-comer was a rabble-rouser, bringing in his crazy ideas from outside. He didn't understand the hierarchy; first the "Tong-Master", Then the "Sausage-Layer", then the "Fork-Pronger" -and everyone below was just a watcher.

Maybe eventually they'll move up the ladder, but for now - don't rock the Weber.

Dianne popped her head in; hmmm, smells good, she said. She was trying to jostle into the circle; we closed ranks, pulling our heads down and our shoulders in, mumbling yeah yeah yeah, but making no room for her. She was keen, going round to the far side of the barbecue, heading for the only available space.... "THE GAP" in the circle where all the smoke and ashes blew. Nobody could survive "THE GAP"; Dianne was going to try.


She stood there stubbornly, smoke blinding her eyes, ashes filling her nostrils, sausage fat spattering all over her arms and face. Until she couldn't take it anymore, she gave up, backed off.

Kevin waited till she was gone and sipped his beer. We sipped our beer; yeah.

Macca handed me his tongs. I looked at him and he nodded. I knew what was happening, I'd waited a long time for this moment - the abdication.

The tongs weighed heavy in my hands, firm in my grip - was I ready for the responsibility?

Yes, I was. I held them up high and they glinted in the sun. Don't forget to turn the thin ones Macca said as he walked away from the barbecue, disappearing toward the house. Yeah I called back, I will, I will. I snapped them twice, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of my wrist, rolling them back onto their little bellies.

I was a natural, I was the "TONG-MASTER"...

Until Macca got back from the toilet....