Rules of Work

No, not the Laws of Work, but some rules to get you by:

1) When speaking on the phone, always use PhonePose. This is the pose you see in all the commercials about people being busy at work. Slightly laid back in the chair, staring at at indeterminate spot in between the roof and the wall, slightly twisted to one side of the body, phone to the ear. It exudes professionalism.
2) Never respond to friend's emails in less than 500 words. Short emails not only waste too little time, but look like personal emails. Write essays, and fast. It looks like you are hard at work explaining to a client or a supplier or a board member exactly how much better the company would be if it changed from the Swingline to the Boston stapler.
3) NEVER change from the Swingline to the Boston stapler. The building WILL be burnt down.
4) Always answer your phone (especially your direct line) with the company phrase, "Welcome to Blah Corp, this is Chas, how may I direct your call?". This is not to fit some kind of coporate WankSpeak, but makes the person on the other end (who will 9 times out of 10 be a cold caller) think you are the receptionist. Your options open 10 fold when you are in a position to "pass the buck".
5) NEVER "pass the buck". Shift the blame, spread the ball to the wings or even delegate if you have no other option, but NEVER "pass the buck".
6) Always accompany any "turn of phrase" with "quotation marks" or "air quotation marks". If the phrase is a sport derivative, ALWAYS do the corresponding motion to really "complete the pass" [Chas completes the pass]
7) When writing in your blog, use a word processor. Same reason as 2) above.

More "as they come in". Stay tuned.