I have a cure for all disease - who wants to touch me?

Inspiritation and scientific discovery can come at the most surprising times. There I was, sitting on the royal throne, having a bowel movement that Robin Williams in Fisher King would describe as Enlightening when the solution to the problem of disease and famine came to me. It was a spark of informational inspiration that took the form of a magnificent star burst style burning bush. It may have been a shrub, or some grass...I don't want to overstate it.

And you, dear reader, are going to hear it here first. Before the wordy verbose padding required of Nature and Science Journals. Before the polish and quick news bites needed for the world's talk show circuits. Before the free life time health care given to every member of Oprah's audience on the day that i* appear.

The solution is one of terminology. The reason we can't solve the problem of worldly diseases and famine and poverty and bad stuff is we have too many names for it all. Influenza, The Common Cold, Turberculosis, Chicken Flu, Mad Cow Disease, Hunger, Famine, Starvation, Poverty, The Poor, Hicks, Yokels, Trailer Trash, Cancer, AIDS, Specific non-specific coronary flow amnesia, Spontaneous Human Combustion, Aliens, Bloggers. Too many names. In order to properly target and remove such evils in this world, an axis of evil if you like, we need to give all problems faced by the human race a common name. A name that can be weeded out in all its ugly forms, hunted down and destroyed. Wherever it strikes, wherever it takes hold. That name is:

Saddamonella alquidacoccus

Now that the beast has been named, it can be located, detected, classified, quarantined, tortured and obliterated. It is the duty of all mankind to seek out saddamonella alquidacoccus where it is found, where it lives and deprive it of its precious bodily fluids until it is no more.

Go forth, precious readers, fellow humans, bastions of the light and the right and remove this blight from our sight.

* seeing as I, pertaining to me, is already capitalised, and I would need to be capitalised for an appearance on Oprah, the only solution afforded to me is to put it in lower case.