Here is an interesting article from the SMH. It is firmly in the "well, duh" category but that is no reason not to read it. Aussies in their 20s want to be married but are too picky or too cautious to make it happen. Either category fits any number of friends I know who are desperate to marry and settle down, but are looking for the "perfect woman" or "perfect man". "Tosh", I say to them, "stop being so picky'. But I fit in the other category. I try not to have too many expectations about a partner, other than them being interesting in some way, but I am not out there looking for one as I am quite enjoying not being in a relationship, or at least I'm at a certain threshold of contentment that precludes me rocking the boat.
The real problem seems to be that my generation has never been told that a relationship requires building, building that requires work. Most sad singles I know think that the Perfect Being will bump into them at the laundromat any time now and marriage, a mortgage, a puppy and some kids will be here by Christmas. Not gunna happen. Why would you want it that way, anyway? Where's the fun? Where's the hard work that makes the rewards feel like rewards and not hedonism? I suppose it is part of this strange mental disorder that afflicts people my age that some older, wiser, know-it-alls are calling status anxiety. Reaching certain goals like having a super-model, Nobel-prize winning partner seated on an Italian leather couch in front of a 180cm plasma flat screen digital TV watching ads for the $400,000 BMW you just bought for your youngest child is the only way of feeling worth. Crap. It's the journey that is important and it doesn't matter how far away the goal is, you can enjoy every second of the way there, be it pleasurable or painful. And if you don't make it to the goal you had in mind, so what? You may not have gotten to where you wanted to be, but you will have arrived at where you needed to be (thank you Douglas Adams for that bit of genius).
And even if it is possible to achieve everything you have ever wanted, why be in a hurry to get there? Why not enjoy every mini-goal along the way? Remember the first time you could tie your shoelaces? I don't, but I bet it was the greatest moment in my life up to that point. Every next step along the way could be that same way, so long as we are content to have achieved what we have and not disappointed at not having achieved what we will in time.
If life is a race, I am in no hurry to get to the finish line.
2 comments:
Hey Chas, good to see your doing well...
I totally agree with you on this "life is a race" thing. It's incredible. I know some people have structured their whole life and how they want it to be already and they havent even foundations to build it on.
It's much like driving on a freeway, some people will go faster then you, some much slower... but no matter what speed or what time of day, your all going to end up in the same place.
The amazing part for me personally, even though I start work at 5am, I still enjoy driving past a beach, my favourite song on the way to work... and I even enjoy seeing my regular customers at work, whether their nice or not... its just because their there..
Simple things in life are the greatest rewards =)
Nice to hear from you, Ezza. I am glad you seem to be getting something out of your job.
Great freeway analogy, by the way. I used to rush around like a mad man in my car until I "reinvisioned" myself 18 months ago. Now, I see things the way you do and I even enjoy traffic jams these days. It's amazing how much more rewarding life can be with some small shifts in perspective.
It's nice to know that there are those closer to 20 than 30 that have that kind of wisdom already, Ezza.
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